Monday, March 26, 2012

I'll be the one...

Ok, so I’m not sure how much I buy into the Mayan calendar thing, but I am aware that we are facing some desperate times ahead…maybe. But I do know that I’m not dumb enough to deny that there is something larger than us out there that has it out for us (God, aliens, etc.) and I know that when the shit hits the fan, I want  to be ready. Therefore, I am starting a new business…fingerless gloves. You heard me, fingerless gloves. Have you ever noticed that in every apocalyptic movie everyone seems to lack gloves with fingers? Well, I have and I plan on being the premier fingerless glove retailer of the post-apocalyptic world. It is quite apparent that you can not start a fire, hotwire a broken-down Chevy, or pillage a shanty-town with fingers on your gloves. Think I’m making this up? Check out Water World, Book of Eli, etc., and forget a world in which zombies are the norm. There isn’t one person alive that would fend off the undead with fingered gloves, no joke. Ever try to operate a sawed-off shotgun with fingered gloves? Shit doesn’t work as smooth as you might it need it to when a clan of brain-thirsty half-deads are clawing at your door. So here it is, I’m the first. I’ll modify existing fingered gloves or craft a pair of custom made finger-less mitten just right for fending off zombies or simply twisting the emergency hatch on your end of the world prepping bunker. You let me know, I’ll be the one with the family with the fire and sawed off bangers! Word!

1 comment:

  1. All right ... when the apocolypse happens, I'm hitting you up for some of those fingerless gloves.

    The Mayans were full of it, of course, they didn't factor in Leap Year, and therefore there end date has come and gone. Besides, those people practiced ritual child sacrfice to appease their pagan gods. Nope, no way they had any beat on truth.